Using the ACT Matrix for relationship counseling
From the mailbag
A while ago I received an email asking about using the matrix as a part of couples counseling:
Hi Jacob,
Do you have any tips on engaging with the Matrix when it comes to couples/family counseling I have seen other ACT methods where the participants fill out their own sheets and then use that as a place of common discussion. The idea is to get them to share what might be “shared values” or “values for the family/couple.” It feels as though this can be applied to a Matrix approach, but I wondered if you had any tips or thoughts on this.
Here is my reply:
When I use the ACT Matrix with couples I have them do a personal matrix separately (but side by side on the couch). Then we share each quadrant and explore how much is similar and different between each of them. For example if they have very similar importance in the lower right hand that's a great sign. If they agree on stuff that shows up that gets in the way that's a great sign. If they agree on behaviors and take responsibility for those behaviors that's a great sign. Later on we will do a “shared purpose” matrix. “What is our shared purpose?”, “What stuff shows up to get in the way?”, etc.
I created a matrix for couples which I attached to this email. I have not written about this on my site yet but it is on my to-do list. I use this tool as a tracking tool in sessions, having them catch behaviors in session and sorting into the quadrants and answering the questions.
Having said all that, I do not believe that the ACT Matrix or ACT in general is there yet in terms of a modality for couples counseling. There was a time when I tried to do straight ahead ACT/Matrix work with couples but with limited success. It was not until I was trained in the Gottman Method that I realized how much my approach to couples was missing. All this to say that I think ACT and the matrix can be useful tools within a larger framework of couples counseling but not a sole method for couples work.
Let me know what you think,
Jacob
You can find my relationship focused matrix here.
I do still believe that ACT by itself is not an adequate modality for working with couples. There are plenty of ACT for couples books, but to truly be effective I think specialized training in couples work is required, and then you can integrate in whatever ACT elements you want. So use this tool responsibly. I still do not have a full write up of how I integrate the matrix into couples work.
Respectfully Submitted,
Jacob Martinez // Through the ACT Matrix